THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG! There is a good book written out there and it’s this book (…er, my book): FAKING SMART!

Okay, there is some nice Shepard Fairey art right here in our neighborhood, curtesy of the folks down at EVO.  Like Banksy or Mr. Brainwash, Fairey is one of the biggest names in street art.  His Obama likeness (the neon-highlighted contemplative Obama) is probably his most famous piece.  I guess Evo has put his art on their wall because they are selling Fairey’s “OBEY” line of clothing.  Wait… Shepard Fairey has a clothing line?  Please.

“These were all books that have been brought to our attention by honest people with the intention of protecting our youth.  There’s no bias involved here,” said Harrisford Superintendent of Schools, Errold Multch.  ”In some cases a child has to be shielded from undue influence, and this is just what this board set out to do.”

Some Harrisford school librarians, however, feel caught in the middle.  Sheila Roman, head librarian at Harrisford High, thought the school board was acting a bit overzealous.  ”They do this every now and then and it’s just a drain on resources,” she said.  ”Kids are going to read Where the Wild Things Are whether it’s at their school library or not,” Roman said.  ”It’s an award-winning book.  Everyone has it at home.”

The Harrisford book ban raises some concern over legal issues and the right for school boards to determine what is, in the words of the Harrisford board, “morally sound”.  When asked if book banning might be perceived as censorship and consequently a violation of the 1st Amendment, Superintendent Multch had this to say: “You can talk the 1st Amendment all day long if you like, but you can’t give my child access to trash.”  Another member of the board, who wished to remain anonymous, argued that censorship wasn’t at issue here.  ”What we got is books that are filth and polluting the minds of the young,” she said.  ”Where kids is at stake, the Harrisford board makes its own constitution,” she added.

In Harrisford, where the needle has been pinned at 102 degrees over the last two weeks, this move by the school board is sure to raise temperatures even further.  ”We have to grin and bear it,” added Ms. Roman.  ”The problem is, every time the board makes another round of bans our collection gets smaller,” she said.  ”Pretty soon I’ll be obsolete,” she said.

Harrisford schools open at 8:30 a.m. Tuesday September 6th.

One scenario has the comet striking the continent’s land mass with the force of 2.8 million 50 megaton bombs causing instant death to millions of people in a cloud of mass destruction never before imagined.  Another hypothetical has the comet striking just off the Atlantic coast instigating an immediate vaporization of the planet’s oceans and the extinction of all animal species as Earth’s atmosphere transforms quickly into fire, steam and smoke.

“This is going to hit the middle class hardest,” claims Albert Voltare of the Economic Watchtower Group at the University of Chicago.  ”Right after the comet hits, you’re going to see health care costs sky-rocket,” says Voltare.  ”Also, expect a dismal jobs market.  Employers are going to be really reluctant to bring on new staff.  You’re even going to see some employers reducing payroll with early-retirement packages, severance payments and layoffs.”

While job-seekers may find frustration in the initial hours after impact, others see greater threats ahead.  In the few hours of human existence that remain, some economists fear a shake-up in global financial markets.  ”We may see an exodus of wealth from formerly stable North American financial institutions,” says Colin Juvenal, a New York-based investment strategist.  ”I see Asia emerging as a safe-haven for jittery investors.  People are going to want to have their money on the other side of the world when the comet hits.”  While Moody’s and Standard and Poors and other investment rating services have not officially downgraded North American capital markets, many experts expect to see a readjustment by late August.  ”It’s the free market at work,” says Juvenal.  ”In times of uncertainty, money goes to where it’s considered safest.”

While debate over the comet’s impact continues, the White House has begun to use the event to nudge public opinion.  In a statement released after a cabinet budget meeting yesterday, the President made it clear that his office was entirely aware of the impending “contiguity” and was making every preparation possible, adding: “Comet or not comet, the American people want to see the deficit brought under control by October, and it’s our main intention to do so.  With both sides at the table in rational discourse, we can get this done and prove to Americans that their elected officials are hard at work doing what they were put there to do.”

In a response to the White House statement, Republicans had this to say: “Americans don’t care about comets.  They care about lower taxes, discretionary spending cuts and limits on earmarks.  In November, the people have spoken.  They want a smaller government that doesn’t run up debt, and whether there’s a planet left or not, we’re going to give them exactly what was promised.”